


The Rage of A Tyrant

by Kai01



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, AsaNoya - Freeform, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Kageyama Tobio, Autistic Kozume Kenma, Bokuto has OCD, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Death Threats, Drinking, Drinking Games, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma Friendship, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, KageHina - Freeform, Kageyama Tobio-centric, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, Mentioned Azumane Asahi, OCD - Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicide Attempt, Threats of Violence, Triggers, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, daisuga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2020-05-19 09:42:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19354423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai01/pseuds/Kai01
Summary: Days were simply days. They weren't good, they weren't bad, they were just days. Some were longer than others, some he could've sworn never happened. Sometimes he'd get enraged and go into toddler like tantrums, other times he just decided it was best to blame others for his actions. Despite this all, they were simply days in Kageyama Tobio's life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if there are some inconsistencies in how I represent autism. I personally don't have it, which might make some think I'm not qualified to write about it, but I'd like to state that, while that may be a fair assessment, it doesn't take into account the bigger picture. I have an older sister who's on the autism spectrum, and she's physically and mentally abused me and my middle sister our entire lives. She gets heated over the tiniest things, like one time I asked her to not put the Febreeze plug-in on the wood since the oils would damage it, and she completely blew up at me. I'm not trying to say all people who are on the autism spectrum are like this, I've met some who are very sweet, but I'm writing this as a coping mechanism. I decided Kageyama's original personality would fit with this best, especially since he's very antisocial and had no friends all throughout middle school. I'm open for corrections on how I write certain things, but please understand I have genuine PTSD from how my sister has treated me throughout the years. Thank you, and please enjoy!

Days were simply days. They weren't good, they weren't bad, they were just days. Some were longer than others, some he could've sworn never happened. Sometimes he'd get enraged and go into toddler like tantrums, other times he just decided it was best to blame others for his actions. Despite this all, they were simply days in Kageyama Tobio's life.

  It was no wonder he got the nickname "King of the Court". You'll never meet someone so angry and unsociable in your life. Somehow, Kageyama always found a reason to get upset, even if it was over something as minor as the ball hitting the net. These days were simply days, however, and they'd pass like they always do.

  Today, on the other hand, was a different day. Hinata wasn't necessarily doing anything wrong per say, but Kageyama had shown up in an already sour mood, and the tiny ray of sunshine missing a receive had tipped him over the edge.

  Suga was trying his best to calm the enraged teen down, but it made no difference, he wouldn't stop interrupting the third year.

  "Kageyama, it was a missed receive, that's why we have practice, to get better where we may la-" Suga began.

  "Just let me talk to him!" Kageyama screamed, ready for a toddler tantrum.

  "You can talk with Hinata when you're cal-"

  "Tell him to back the hell off! I'm going to hurt him and I don't want to!"

  By now, Tanaka and Asahi had already taken Hinata to the locker room to escape whatever hellish punishment would await him if he were to stay.

  "That's this guy's third meltdown this week, and it's not even Wednesday!" Tanaka whined.

  Asahi sighed, scratching his head nervously, "I don't like when he gets in those moods, you can never get through to him."

  Tanaka nods and looks over towards Hinata, "Hey, don't stress yourself out, man. It's Kageyama, I'm sure a murder or two will calm him down."

  Hinata sighed, burying his face in his hands. Kageyama always got like this, and as much as he cared about him, it was really starting to get on his nerves. And believe him, that's not an easy thing to do. The tiny middle blocker knew that, no matter how much he swore he did, Kageyama wasn't taking his medicine. He would for a few days, but then he'd feel better, this assuming he's normal now and can stop taking them, and don't even get him started on making him take them again. It was... overwhelming to say the least, but a majority of Hinata was just frustrated. He hadn't done anything, Kageyama just decided to blow up at him.

* * *

 

Today was just another day, and Kageyama's just glad it's over. It took about an hour to calm him down, and even then he was acting petty. The team couldn't wrap their heads around it, but part of them didn't want to. Why would they want to understand his world where he's always right and they're always wrong? It was just exhausting…

  The day had ended, neither bad nor good. It went slow, but by now he was just exhausted from using up all that energy during his little tantrum. Kageyama sighed to himself and pulled the covers over his head. Tomorrow would be a day. Not good, not bad, just a day. And for once, that's all he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo glanced over Kenma's shoulder, briefly scanning his texts. The faux blond slumped further over his phone and turned away from Kuroo. The captain understood what the smaller was trying to communicate and turned his attention back towards practice. Kenma decided not to join today. Not for any particular reason, at least not one anyone understood. Kuroo understood, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I said this would be longer, but I'm super busy. No updates tomorrow, either, I have a surgery. Sorry :/

  Kuroo glanced over Kenma's shoulder, briefly scanning his texts. The faux blond slumped further over his phone and turned away from Kuroo. The captain understood what the smaller was trying to communicate and turned his attention back towards practice. Kenma decided not to join today. Not for any particular reason, at least not one anyone understood. Kuroo understood, though.

  "You must be talking to shrimpy from Karasuno." Kuroo said offhandedly.

  A small frown tugged at Kenma's lips and he nodded quickly. Hinata was ranting about Kageyama, and as much as he didn't mind, he still felt bad he couldn't offer any advice. Kenma knew he himself could be difficult to work with at times, but Kageyama was an entirely different level of difficult. While the genius first year seemed to always be screaming about something, the meek setter remained silent. Sometimes, however, Kageyama grew scarily silent. This, however, was simply the calm before the storm that was Kageyama Tobio. Kenma knew this all, Hinata always kept him in the loop about it.

  "-enma!" Lev shouted, making the faux blond jump and nearly toss his phone.

  The second year turned his attention over towards the loud Russian and nodded, a silent communication that he was listening.

  "Kuroo said we were going to practice spiking! Will you set to me?"

  Kenma shrunk into himself a bit. Lev was always too loud, it hurt his head and made him nervous. He glanced over at the others who were practicing. Figures he'd be the only one left to set to him. The second year sighed and stood up, shoving his phone in his pocket. The echoes of the volleyball was more soothing than he thought it would be. It sounded rhythmic, and he enjoyed that.

  "Oi, Lev!" Yaku shouted, "Get your ass over here, you're practicing receives!"

  This was normal. Their captain always looked out for his setter, the entire team did. It made him slightly frustrated, that everyone was treating him like a little kid. Kenma could stand up for himself if he wanted, he just didn't want to.

* * *

 

  "Hey, Bakeyama!" Hinata shouted, running after the genius setter. "Captain's buying lunch, where are you going?"

  Kageyama shrugged and kept walking, Hinata trailing not far behind. "I'm not hungry." he said.

  Hinata knew it was a lie, he hasn't eaten a decent meal all day, he just didn't want to hang around the team. Still, he decided not to push it. If his explosion the other day was anything to go by, Hinata really didn't want to anger him right now.

  The ray of sunshine couldn't blame Tsukishima and Yamaguchi for not wanting to hang around the dynamic duo, sometimes he didn't want to hang around Kageyama himself. Still, the tiny middle blocker didn't always understand why the raven did what he did. Despite the two dating for a little over a year now, Kageyama still seemed to take all his rage out on him. Most days it was just enough to make him cower in fear, other times he found himself faced with death threats and the occasional object being thrown at him. "Give him a break, he's autistic" everyone said, and god was Hinata trying, but the more tantrums Kageyama had, the more annoyed he became. He understood what the setter was doing might've seemed appropriate to him, but everyone else was completely over it. Hinata sighed and glanced up at his boyfriend.

  Things weren't perfect, but he couldn't say they were abusive either. Little did he know, Kageyama was just about at his breaking point.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: abuse, minor anxiety attack (continued in next chapter)

  Daichi knew something was wrong when their usual ray of sunshine walked in late for practice. He always raced with Kageyama, yet the setter had shown up an hour before practice without so much as a hello. Yet, here was Hinata, just now walking in. The small first year managed a small smile and an apologetic gesture before he robotically made his way to the rest of the team. Something was wrong, really wrong. Still, the team said nothing. Everyone has off days, no matter how unusual it may seem for a person like Hinata.

  Practice seemed to tick by slowly, and Hinata was feeling worse by the second. He was slowing down and their coach was starting to take notice. He'd never acted like this before, what was happening? He felt weak…. weaker than he's ever felt… Everything felt dizzy, his head was spinning, his stomach hurt. 

  "Hinata!" Ukai shouted.

  The middle blocker looked over at him and  _ god  _ if he could walk over to the bench and collapse, he would. He wished he could’ve just excused himself to the bathroom or  _ something _ .

 

* * *

 

 It took awhile for the ray of sunshine to come back to consciousness, but either way, the team was relieved. Or, at least, most of the team. Kageyama sat on the opposite side of the gym, barely sparing his partner a glance. It was rather unusual for the genius setter. Hinata sat up, putting a hand on the back of his head.

  “Are you alright, Hinata?” Daichi asked, handing him an ice pack.

  The smaller boy nodded and took the ice pack gratefully. He still felt weird even after everything. The team was at a mutual agreement to let him rest for the rest of practice. Still, they couldn’t help but worry for their junior, and rightfully so. He’s never gotten seriously injured on the court, let alone pass out. Daichi and Suga spared some glances over towards their teammate on the bench and couldn’t help but feel bad for him.

  Practice continued as normal as is could on such an odd day. The team finished cooling down and packing their bags, Kageyama being the first to leave without so much as a word. Daichi and Suga looked at each other curiously as if to say “do you know what that’s about?”. Coach shouted at them to get their asses to class, and that was enough to get the few remaining teens heading out the door.

 

* * *

 

 

   “Ka-ge-ya-maaaaaaa!” Hinata shouted, running towards the strangely silent setter.

  The first year glared at him and kept walking to class in an unusually fast manner. Something was wrong, and Hinata was determined to get to the bottom of it. Before that, however, he’d need to enlist the help of a few people.

* * *

 

 

  “AkaashiiiiiI!” Bokuto yelled, hug tackling his boyfriend.

  Akaashi sighed. “You shouldn’t run in the halls, Bokuto-san.” he mumbled, trying to keep his balance while the loud-mouth ace koala-ed himself on him.

  Bokuto smiled and hopped off the setter before immediately bouncing up and down in excitement. “Shouyou said he was coming over to practice today!! Isn’t that great Akaashi, isn’t it?!”

  Akaashi nodded, “That’s nice.” he said nonchalantly.

  The setter knew this could mean one of two things. Either the overly energized first year was getting frustrated with himself and needed a quick break, or Karasuno’s scary setter was causing issues. Either way, he knew he and Bokuto would get an earful. Bokuto, of course, never cared, and honestly Akaashi wasn’t usually bothered by it either, but today felt different. 

* * *

 

 

   “You sure have been texting that Shrimpy a lot, you sure you’re not breaking up with me?” Kuroo said, smirking.

  Kenma huffed in annoyance and turned his head away from the bedhead. Shouyou was just a friend to Kenma. Besides, even if he had feelings for him, he knew he wasn’t the type of guy to date multiple guys at once. He was gay in every sense of the word, but the pudding head couldn’t imagine him being polyamorous.

  Kuroo ruffled his hair, “You’re overthinking it, Kenma. I was just messing with you.”

  Despite this, Kenma was still nervous. Not about the even slight possibility of dating the first year, but about his relationship with Kageyama. Kenma knew it was a bad idea from the start, but now things just semed… worse…

 

* * *

*Flashback*

_ Kageyama was pissed, Hinata knew that much. Had he done something? Did he make his boyfriend mad? He didn’t mean to… Hinata felt his heart sink as the angry setter made his way closer to him. The smaller boy backed up against the wall, his heart hammering in his chest. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t him, he didn’t do it… His boyfriend stopped in front of him, seething with rage. Hinata felt himself trembling with anxiety, but he stood as tall as he could and looked him in the eyes. If he just kept his voice calm and level- _

_   “Why don’t you listen to me, hah?!” Kageyama shouted.  _

_   Hinata flinched a bit. There was an unspoken threat in his words. Tonight was going to be rough... he’d definitely be sleeping with his door locked again, not that it’d stop him anyways. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated!! I'm pretty excited for the next chapter.


	4. Update!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty important so please read...

  I've grown up in a house with constant screaming and incredibly loud dogs, not to mention living right by train tracks and the police department. At first, I just thought it was an annoyance I'd have to deal with, but recently, I've learned otherwise. I've started to lose my hearing, which is incredibly valuable to me. I have anxiety and PTSD, so if I'm snuck up on, I freak out. At first it was just people saying I'm loud, buy recently it's been worse. Everything and everyone sounds muffled, my music is at full volume and I still have difficulty hearing it, even our dogs obnoxious barking sounds distant. I'm getting my hearing checked soon to see if I need hearing aids, and I'm hoping to god that's not the case, but it might very well be. I'm not saying this for pity, that's always the last thing I've wanted, but it is to make you all aware. Updates will be slow while we figure everything out, so please excuse my absence. Thank you for all the support <3


	5. Chapter 5

  Days like this came and went, but recently, they seemed to come and linger for awhile. Akaashi, of course, was the first to take notice. Bokuto had been doing really well, he honestly had. Still, little could get past him. The setter took notice of how he always covered himself with a blanket at night, but stuck his feet out just so. In the mornings, he'd notice the hyperactive ace constantly changing his walking pattern. If he stepped on or too close to a line, there was a slight shuffle, and he'd make sure to do the same with his other foot. If he brushed his thumb while texting, he'd brush the other as well, just enough to make it feel "even" as he would explain it. 

  His strangest habit, however, was with the number three. He'd stretch one leg for three minutes, then the next. He shook his protein shakes 3 times, paused, then proceeded for another 2 rounds of the shaking. He always said hey 3 times, and patted Akaashi on the back 3 times. Bokuto would call for the ball 3 times in a row, then wait for 3 minutes, and call for the ball 3 more times. To everyone else, it seemed strange, but Akaashi was used to it. Used to getting called 3 times in a row, used to having to slow down his pace so Bokuto can catch up, used to his strange sleeping habits.

  What he wasn't used to, however, was his strange clinginess to him as of lately. Bokuto was always clingy, of course, but he never actually…. well… clung to him. It'd all started when Akaashi had mentioned the overly energetic ace should start thinking about university and seriously going through the emails he'd received from scouts. He figured he'd earn a few whines, maybe a new mispronunciation of his name, but no one could've prepared him for an overly clingy Bokuto.

  "Bokuto-san, Hinata-kun is here." Akaashi barely mumbled, scanning over the ray of sunshine.

  "But Akaaaashi! He came to talk to you and practice!" Akaashi could practically hear the pout in his voice.

  The setter sighed, untangling himself from Bokuto's arms and walking towards Hinata. The first year couldn't look more horrified if he tried, and Akaashi couldn't place if it was from the campus or what he'd heard about Kageyama. Either way, the worst thing to do right now is to talk about it. Hinata had come to do just that, but they could put it off for awhile for some practice. The poor middle blocker looked like he would shatter if you touched him.

  "A-ah, Akaashi..!" Hinata nearly jumped out of his skin having noticed the new presence.

  Akaashi offered a polite smile. "Bokuto-san said you'd come to practice." It wasn't the total truth, but it was close enough for now.

  "W-well…. not really…. b-but if you don't mind the intrusion, then I wouldn't mind practicing!"

  "We're just practicing serve receives, it won't be a bother."

  Hinata almost looked relieved, Akaashi noted. He'd ask about it later, of course, but not now. Not when the poor underclassmen looked, and probably felt, as fragile as glass. Akaashi motioned for Bokuto to come over, briefly explaining their conversation while they walked over to the court. Bokuto spared Hinata 3 quick glances, Akaashi silently nudging him before he had the chance to steal anymore glances. If Hinata didn't want to say anything right now, he wouldn't make him, and neither should Bokuto.

* * *

 

  The middle blocker's hair had gotten longer, Akaashi noted. It was falling in his face, not that he seemed to notice. Akaashi noticed. Akaashi always noticed things people could usually glaze over, and right now, he was certainly thankful for it. Bags had formed under his eyes, a reminder of his many sleepless, terror filled nights. He felt exhausted all the time, and looked it too. Akaashi noted the medicine bottle in the bottom of his gym bag, nearly empty, and he stole a glance at Hinata. That, he told himself, is something he'd definitely be asking about. The trio took a seat on the bench, Akaashi offering Hinata his water bottle.

  "You haven't mentioned any of your boyfriend's blow ups, Shrimpy!" Bokuto shouted, a tad too loud, earning a few stares from the others.

  "Not so loud, Bokuto-san." Akaashi chastised.

  Hinata willed a weak smile. "He's been the same, I didn't think it'd be anything notable."

  "Well, what about you?! You haven't talked to us in forever!" 

  "I'm…. the same, yknow? You kinda get used to it, that's all!"

  Akaashi slid on his jacket, picking up the water bottle that Hinata had set on the floor and taking a quick gulp. "Your hair's grown." 

  "O-oh..!" he gave a nervous laugh, "I just haven't bothered cutting it, I guess!"

  Bokuto laughed loudly, "It kept falling in your face during receives!"

  Akaashi would question more in due time, especially with Bokuto, but today wasn’t the right time. It could be a few more days or weeks, he reminded himself, but he’s always been patient. Bokuto was trying to heal while Hinata was desperately destroying himself to help Kageyama. He’d question the empty pill bottle, he’d question his unusual bitterness while addressing Kageyma, he’d question the bags under his eyes and his unruly hair. In due time, he told himself. Hinata might implode on himself if he pushed it further.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata does drugs, Bokuto's drunk, Kenma's about to have a nervous breakdown, and Kuroo and Akaashi are left to pick up the pieces.

  Kuroo couldn't help the smirk that grew on his face. Hinata had come over to see Kenma, who was awkwardly trying to explain the weed pen on his bed. _It's Kuroo's_ , Kenma signed quickly, _it's just to help him relax and stuff._ If Kenma wasn't so flustered, Kuroo would've laughed at his boyfriend. Then, Hinata said something that _did_ make him laugh.

  "Can I have some?" he asked innocently enough.

  Kuroo laughed at that, trying to convince the now worried sick Kenma that it was fine. Kenma didn't believe him. The question was innocent, he was genuinely curious, but that didn't make the situation any better. 

  "C'mon, he has to put up with his boyfriend, he _deserves_ it." Kuroo said smoothly, having recovered from his laughing fit.

   _I don’t want him high if Bo is coming home drunk._ The look on his face let his boyfriend know that, no, absolutely not, he is _not_ ruining Hinata Shouyo’s innocence.

Kuroo smirked, it _was_ his pen, it's not like Kenma had the final say in it anyways. "Sure, knock yourself out." he shrugged, ignoring Kenma's pleading look.

* * *

 

  Oh, how Kenma hated Kuroo right now. Hinata had, unsurprisingly, a violent coughing fit and Kenma was _convinced_ he was going to die. Now, a thoroughly high Hinata sat next to him, nearly leaning against him, and a _very_ drunk Bokuto walked through the door. God help him. He was committing triple homicide tonight, so help him-

  "Heeeey, Kenma~" his voice was slurred, though it wasn't anything surprising. "Where's Kuroo?!"

  Kenma flinched at that. Oh, probably getting high, he told himself. _He left a long time ago, probably to smoke. Or look for you. Or to get Akaashi to deal with you._  

  Bokuto let out an exaggerated whine. "That's too much to follow, just tell me!"

   _I did._

  " _Talk_ to me! I'm too shit faced for this!"

  It wasn’t an unusual request, Kenma talks to Kuroo sometimes if they’re alone. He’s said a few words to Akaashi as well, few being the key word. Still, Bokuto never seemed to _care_ he rarely spoke to him. It wasn't a bother to him, he was never the one to ask him to say something or act offended he wouldn't. He was patient in that sense, but right now, Bokuto was _very_ drunk and _very_ impatient. 

  "Bokuto-san, please leave Kenma alone, you need to be sleeping." a calm voice said, barely heard over the music Hinata had insisted on playing. Speaking of, was he breathing?

  "But Agaaashi!" Bokuto whined, childish as ever.

 Akaashi sighed as he began leading Bokuto to his bedroom. "You're going to get a giant hangover."

  Kenma couldn't have felt more relieved Akaashi had stepped in. Intentional or not, he was on the verge of an anxiety attack. He quickly wiped away the tears pooling in his eyes, trying his best to hide his face if Kuroo happened to come back in. Come back, he did. It wasn't the worse he's seen him, but it still didn't make his heart ache any less. He took a seat next to his boyfriend, Hinata having started raiding their kitchen. Kuroo pulled Kenma into his chest almost protectively, running gentle fingers through his hair.

  "Was Bokuto causing trouble..?" his voice was soft like silk, helping slightly to soothe Kenma's nerves.

  The other boy, however, could barely choke any words out. His hands were too shaky to communicate anything, no matter how practiced it was.

  "I'm sorry, kitten… I shouldn't have left you by yourself…" 

  Kenma let out a pathetic whine, his hands formed the sign for H while going through the motion for sun; Hinata's sign name. _I had Shouyo, I wasn't alone._ The words seemed to get trapped somewhere in his throat.

"Shrimpy's high as shit, he barely counts as a human being."

  Kuroo was right, the boy would probably trip over the kitchen island if he weren't paying attention (and if they had one). Kenma didn't reply, he just leaned further into his boyfriend. He smelled like chocolate and coffee and fresh laundry and everything that made him feel at home, safe. He let the fingers in his hair calm him, almost lulling him to sleep.

  Kuroo pressed a kiss to the top of his head, snapping him out of whatever daze he was in. "Let's get you to bed, kitten."

  And for once, Kenma didn't seem bothered by anything. He let himself relax into his boyfriend's arms, resting his head against his chest as he let the quiet footsteps and gentle bouncing lull him back to sleep.

* * *

 

  Hinata woke up in a panic, hand clutching his chest as his heart tried to claw through his ribcage and breathing quickly. He didn't remember last night…. What happened..? Where was he? Shit, did Kageyama- No, no. He couldn't go there, he just needed to calm down. A quick glance around the place told him he wasn't at his or Kageyama's house. Not only that, he wasn't even in a bed, he'd crashed on the couch, apparently. So whose-?

  "Feeling better?" a calm voice came.

  Hinata squinted, trying to look at the person and not blind himself. That looked like…. oh, Akaashi, Fukurodani's setter. Hinata found himself more relieved than he should've felt, a guilty pang filling his chest and twisting his gut.

  "B-Bathroom…" he mumbled, barely stumbling into said place fast enough.

* * *

 

  His first thought was that Bokuto was just extremely hungover from the night before, but then Kuroo realized the owl-like captain slept until noon when he was out drinking the night before. He made his way to the bathroom, walking into a sight he _never_ thought he'd see. Hinata was leaning over the toilet, looking absolutely miserable, while Akaashi held his hair back and rubbed circles into his back. It was a gentle gesture, one he'd seen used on Kenma more times than he could count. Another hurling sound drew him out of whatever blank state he was in, reminding Kuroo of the situation unfolding before him.

  "How long 's he been like this?" he asked.

  "Just a few minutes." Akaashi replied, quickly turning his attention back to Hinata. "You think you're done..? Do you want to lie down..?" his voice was gentle and patient, something Kuroo admired about him.

  Hinata nodded miserably, staggering to his feet. Akaashi helped him regain his balance and led him to the couch and sat some of the throw pillows Bokuto and Kuroo bought beneath his head. Akaashi was always up the earliest and made sure to check on everyone before getting breakfast. Today, however, had been a change of plans when he saw Hinata. Kuroo appeared behind him, resting his chin on the setter's shoulder as he observed the poor underclassman's situation.

  "Rough morning, huh?" he asked, a smirk adorning his features.

  Akaashi stepped under Kuroo, heading for the kitchen to make everyone breakfast. "Please put clothes on, Kuroo-san."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: anxiety attack, mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide

  Hinata couldn't remember when he'd even _talked_ to Kageyama last, let alone long enough to make him mad, yet somehow here they were. Hinata had just come back from Kenma's (and Kuroo, Akaashi, and Bokuto's) place, he _couldn't_ have done anything. The boy sighed and looked at Kageyama, sitting on the couch and filing his nails. It was a normal enough situation, he never seemed to leave the couch unless it was for volleyball practice or to eat, but even then…

  "Yamayama-kun, why'd you lock me out of my room?" he asked, staring down at the setter.

  "I didn't." Kageyama said heatedly.

  "Natsu and mom are out and I've been at Kenma's…"

  "Well I didn't lock it! Why would I _care_?!"

  "No one else was here, so by default-"

  "I DIDN'T LOCK IT, OKAY?!"

  Hinata sighed and walked to grab the key from his mom's room. No one else could've locked it, but he didn't have the energy to argue about it. He'd already blown up two other times today, it wasn't worth it, he was just in the mood to fight. _Why_ did he lock his door, out of all things? He could've done anything else. Could've yelled, could've thrown things, could've tried to hit him (he'd become a _really_ good dodger when he met Kageyama), could've ignored him for a week or so. The only thing that was in his room was Natsu's cat, which wouldn't hurt Hinata as much as it would Natsu.

   He sighed as he fumbled with the lock before pushing open the door and collapsing into his bed. Akaashi's touches had been so gentle, and he almost felt selfish for wanting to feel those gentle touches again. Or the way he calmed him down, or the way Kenma could practically melt into Kuroo. He wanted to feel safe in his house, at the least, and maybe a bit cared about. Hinata walked robotically to the bathroom, briefly glancing up at the drink next to a pill bottle. His mind went black for a second before walking back out to where Kageyama was sitting.

  "Did you..?" he couldn't finish the sentence, but the bitterness is Kageyama's eyes assured him he knew what he was talking about.

"Not like it _matters._ " Kageyama spat bitterly.

* * *

 

  Hinata didn't remember much of what happened. His mom drove Kageyama to the hospital, but he didn't go. Couldn't, it was too painful. Kageyama was going to be admitted to the psych ward, that much he knew, but he didn't know if it'd change anything. Nothing ever seemed to.

  Kenma and Bokuto couldn't remember the last time they'd seen Hinata Shouyo _pissed_ , but they were quickly reminded of how scary it could be. Not that either of them could blame him, but still…

  "H-He just…. did what Kenma did cuz it got him attention..! He's pissed with me cuz I wasn't giving him the reaction he wanted and he just-!" his words got drowned out by an involuntary sob.

  Neither of them knew what to do, Kenma especially flustered at the mention of it. Luckily, Akaashi and Kuroo were there, too. Akaashi had Hinata laying against his chest while he rubbed his shoulders. Like Kenma, he wasn't always great with words, but he still made an effort to calm the poor boy down from his hysterics. Bokuto glanced at the pair, worried. Hinata was mad and crying, a combination he's rarely seen in the middle blocker. 

  Bokuto and Kuroo remembered the day he was talking about, Kuroo especially. Hinata had been stretching on the floor while Kenma played video games curled up against his boyfriend. It all happened so suddenly, everything seemingly blurring together. Kenma clawed at his throat before grabbing at his head and letting out strangled screams, his hands shaking violently. An ambulance was called as they both helped the suffocating boy outside of their apartment. Kenma had whispered to Hinata, Kuroo hadn't quite caught what, but the ray of sunshine just looked purely confused. Hinata was, surprisingly, one of the last to lose his composure. The EMTs came and he frantically repeated what Kenma said as the boy went into a seizure.

  The rest was a blur, moments of panic strung together into unrecognizable horror. Hinata stayed over for a few more days, barely sleeping at all. When he got home, he explained the situation to his boyfriend, who seemed unfazed. In fact, he didn't even ask if he was alright, just let out a simple "Oh." 

* * *

 

  Kenma had stayed in the psych ward for a week. He took 70 pills after one of his classmates had mentioned his weight (he was starving himself, everyone knew that much). It didn't make sense to Hinata, but it made him more upset that no one could find a suicide note. That was going to be it. No goodbye, no explanation, no Kenma…

  "Fucker just wants attention from all of it, the hell is wrong with him?" Kuroo said what everyone was thinking, as always.

  Hinata should've felt worried, or be visiting him like he did Kenma, or asking for updates from his mom. He didn't. He didn't care, he was _pissed._ They'd all expected it, but just something more… dramatic. And not a copycat.

  "I'm just _done_ with him… I want to move out of my own house… I don't want to make things up anymore, I just want out… I don't want to talk to him anymore, let alone see him…" Hinata mumbled, voice barely audible.

  "You don't need to deal with him, none of us will blame you." Akaashi chimed. The other three nodded in agreement.

  "He will… he'll blame everything on me, make everyone hate me over things that aren't true…"

  "No one will hate you, Shrimpy. We've all put up with his shit before, they'd understand." Kuroo said encouragingly.

  So he moved out the next week (the day after Kageyama had come back), crying while assuring his mom she didn't do anything wrong, that he really did love her and Natsu. Akaashi had offered their place up until he could get a place of his own, saying it wouldn't be a bother to any of them (except maybe the landlord). So he took him up on it. He'd crash on the couch most days, though he'd usually get woken up to move to Akaashi's bed when he got up (Bokuto was a human heater, something Hinata could appreciate, being eternally cold). Hinata had ignored Kageyama, as hard as they knew it was for him, because it's what's best. Practices were made awkward, but they could at least tolerate each other for matches.

* * *

 

  Everything felt good. After some persuading, Hinata had started seeing a counselor once a week, where he got diagnosed with PTSD, generalized anxiety, and depression and was promptly put on meds. For once, things were looking up. That's what he thought, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this sounds like I'm ending the series but I'm not!! also, sorry if the flashback wasn't great, I felt my PTSD creeping up on me


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for disappearing for two months!! I'm back, though!

  Everything had eventually fallen into place. Switching with Akaashi's spot in the early mornings turned into cuddling with (being smothered by) the two of them. Things came a bit slower with Kenma, but it was never a problem, everyone was fine going at his pace. It wasn't long before Kuroo and Bokuto were leaving for university, leaving the other three behind to finish high school. It was rough for Kenma at first, not having Kuroo around as often. Sometimes he'd have a bad day and what they did wasn't enough, but other times it was just off minutes or hours. He'd have thoughts that would cloud his mind and no matter what, the anxiety bubbling in his chest and clamping on his throat wouldn't leave. Akaashi was always there to listen and offer soft touches when needed, other times he and Hinata would just leave an apple pie and tea by his bedroom silently. Nothing helped, exactly, but it made things more bearable.

  Today, however, was different. Today, his mind wouldn't leave him alone, battling on end. He wanted to crawl under his blanket and hide from the world while his anxiety bubbled because  _ why aren't you doing anything? You're being lazy, throwing away your future. What would your parents think? Kuroo would hate you. Giving up on everything so quickly.  _ He didn't want to try anymore, it didn't feel worth it. Not anymore, at least. University seemed so far out of reach, even without him trying to get scouted.

  "Kenma?" it was Akaashi, that much he knew.

  The door cracked open slightly. "Sorry for the intrusion. Kuroo's back for his free period, if you'd like to talk to him."

  Kenma peeked his head out from his pile of blankets, blinking back his tears.  _ What if he's mad at me..? I kept bothering him during his biology lecture, he probably just got annoyed… _ Kenma didn't remember moving to the couch, or when he'd ended up curled into a ball in Kuroo's arms, or when he'd started crying. 

  "Calmed down a bit, kitten?" Kuroo's voice was soothing.

  Kenma nodded stiffly, burying his face into Kuroo's chest.

  "Keiji told me you've been in bed all day for the past week. Why haven't you talked to any of us..? Bo and I have been worried sick since we left for university…"

_ Didn't want to bother you. You have volleyball and other classes.  _ his hands had steadied, that much he could manage.

  "Kenma, those things will never take priority over your wellbeing. You worry us when you don't talk to us. Hell, I'm pretty sure you made Keiji worry!"

  Kenma shrunk into himself further.  _ Keiji's been studying or making food. _

  "Doesn't mean he worries any less, kitten. Now what's been on your mind?"

  "What if I don't get to college..? What if none of it was worth it and I did it all for nothing..?" his voice was small, barely audible and slightly hoarse from trying not to cry.

  "You're going to get into college, they'd be idiots to not accept you!"

  Kenma could almost  _ hear _ Bokuto saying "I'd drop out for you!" and couldn't help the small smile. The blond vaguely became aware of Akaashi's presence behind him, idly braiding a section of his hair. Hinata was standing around the corner along with Bokuto. 

  Kuroo and Akaashi were seemingly always left to pick up the pieces, it was almost second nature for them. Bokuto always stood up for his boyfriends, but never dared to try to speak when Kenma or Hinata got like this. Hinata was in much of the same boat, though it was more just too painful for him. 

* * *

 

  Today's routine seemed no different than the last. Akaashi was up the earliest, trying to leave the cramped shared bed as quietly as possible. Hinata stirred, curling up against the human heater that was Bokuto Koutaro. Akaashi made his way to the others' bedroom, peering in to make sure everything was alright. Kuroo, who was changing, looked over at him.

  "Like what you see?" Kuroo chuckled, a shit-eating grin on his face.

  Akaashi rolled his eyes at him, turning to head into the kitchen, Kuroo following suite. Akaashi turned on music and set his phone down on the counter.

 "I believe you have a class this morning." Akaashi said, getting ingredients out for pancakes.

  "Already called in sick, decided to spend the day with my boyfriends." Kuroo's arms wrapped around the smaller boy's hips.

  Akaashi picked up the eggs, wiggling his way out of the embrace to grab the pancake mix. Things were always like this; domestic, soft, comfortable. Akaashi smiled softly to himself as Two came on over his phone, Kuroo kissing his cheek as he left to greet Hinata. Things were good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I'm referring to is Two by Sleeping at Last, and if you haven't listened to it, g o d o i t ! It's a soft love song, and honestly most of his songs are soft so if you like those things, give him a listen.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi hurts. A lot.

Akaashi laid sprawled out on the couch, an empty plate on the floor near him that hadn't made it to the sink since he finished eating. Sighing to himself, he slowly sat up, joints cracking after having been in such a position for so long.

  This wasn't like him - or, at least not like the image of him he'd kept up so perfectly. Every muscle in his body throbbed as he walked slowly to the kitchen to clean the plate.

  There was a point in time where washing dishes wasn't a nearly impossible task. It felt like a vague memory, despite only hearing the dreaded words a few years ago.

  Bokuto had just graduated and Akaashi was left to fill the position of captain. It wasn't a tedious thing by any means, aside from corralling the rambunctious first years. As time went on, however, he started noticing little things here and there.

  It wasn't like he could remember which came first, but he remembered easily brushing off the constant tiredness, so perhaps it was that. Then again, the deep muscle aches were rather frequent, so perhaps he dismissed that as a normal soreness.

  It started out as a day missed here and there, which was already enough to worry Bo, but it quickly turned into missing days and even weeks in a row.  
Thinking maybe he was sick, he went to see a doctor. Which turned into two, then three, then…

  He's lost count of how many doctors he's seen.

  Exasperated, the doctors sent him to see a specialist. None of his symptoms were leading them to a clear diagnosis, and it was unclear to his boyfriends whether Akaashi or his doctors were more frustrated by this information.

  Months turned into years until he finally heard those dreaded words.

  "It's chronic pain. A fibromyalgia-type one, most likely. Maybe mixed with a few other issues. Whatever it is, we don't exactly have a cure for these things - it's trial and error." the doctor explained.

  Kuroo couldn't tell if it crushed Akaashi or Bo worse. Akaashi's stress had been at an all time high - which made the pain worse, it seemed - while he lay curled up in bed, barely able to function. Bokuto, on the other hand, was trying everything he could to possibly help. Between making sure he had snacks near his bed and giving him an erroneous amount of heating pads and blankets, Bo was determined to make him comfortable.

  Still, Akaashi seemed to be trying to distance himself from them. As much as he could without being impolite, that is.

  Today wasn't his worst day - far from it, actually. Getting out of bed early to make breakfast for everyone was the easiest excuse he could find to drag himself out of bed every morning. The fatigue certainly wasn't pleasant, but he knew no amount of napping would help it.

  If he was being honest, today the pain bothered him more than the fatigue.

  Every muscle in his body throbbed with the simplest of movements. Bokuto had tried to cuddle with him earlier - it usually was bearable and even helped some - but today his nerves were especially oversensitive and he couldn't bear the pressure against him.

  "Hey," Bokuto's surprisingly soft voice piped up from behind him. "Is it bad again?"

  Bokuto had always danced around using any descriptive words about his boyfriend's pain. Akaashi didn't mind it much - he was well aware of the state he was in, adding a word to it almost felt like he was admitting something was wrong. Kuroo didn't think the idea was a good one, but it was his life - _his pain_ \- it wasn't like Kuroo had much of a say in it anyways.

  However anyone wanted to dance around the issue was fine by him.

  "Alright, I suppose," he replied dismissively.

  The silence hung heavy in the air, Akaashi returning to the couch and peering back at him curiously.

  Bokuto was a talker to say the least, this…

  "You're always 'alright'..." the owl-esque boy murmured. Akaashi studied him carefully for a moment before letting his head fall back against the couch.

  "I don't wish to burden you-"

  "Burden? You're in pain, Keiji! You do more than you should as is!"

  "I'm sorry…" his voice came out strained, but one glance at him and anyone could tell he wasn't apologizing for overworking himself.

  The silence was thick again - thicker this time, perhaps.

  Akaashi pulled a blanket over himself and curled into a ball, turning to the side. A simple thing, really, but it gave so many silent messages. From a bitter "This conversation is over" to "It hurts" and "Don't look at me".

  Akaashi said a lot through his actions, but never before had he seemed so small.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suffer from chronic pain, but I never got a clear diagnosis. It's mainly abdominal, but it acts almost like fibromyalgia. Obviously, that wasn't the official diagnosis I was given since that's not what this is, so I'm not saying this is a 100% accurate representation of what fibromyalgia is.


End file.
